One of the most shocking instances of bribery I have found is the widespread phenomenon of professor bribing. Though this is not true of all professors, it is rampant, even in the more prestigious universities, and takes several different forms. In many universities, Upperclassmen pass down knowledge about which professors accept bribes to underclassmen; however, this information is not always necessary because usually the professor will make clear through her actions if she will accept a bribe.
The most common bribery scenario occurs when a student fails an exam, either on purpose or by accident—though it is more likely, of course, that a student will fail on purpose if she knows that she can bribe the professor. The professor will then summon the student to his office and will begin to speak in roundabout way: “So, I see here that you failed the exam…This is a problem. …What should we do about this?” When the professor begins in this roundabout way and asks open-ended questions, this signals the student that the professor is open to some kind of bribe. If the professor is known to accept bribes, the process will usually be shorter.
There are many tried and true methods of giving a bribe. Many students will put some money on the desk while the professor isn’t looking and then say something like “look there is $100 dollars professor. Where did it come from?” Other students will hand the professor an envelope, or will just straightforwardly give the bribe. As Russians note, professors are smart people, and one doesn’t need to pussyfoot around the issue. Alcohol, especially for male professors can be substituted instead of money. However, one must be quality alcohol—that means no Armenian Cognac—one must give Hennessy or another name brand. Flowers, perfume, and chocolate or a combination thereof is the tried and true method of success for women. Some professors are less forthright. They simply make their students by a copy of their publication.
Other professors are even more straightforward than the average bribe accepter. One of my student’s professors simply wrote the price of different grades on the board. Like many professors he did retain some sort of honor, which despite all the bribery maintains some, however minimal important. In the case of my student’s professor, he retained the top mark, a five, for those who actually earned it. This type of professorial behavior is demonstrated by a Russian joke in which a student hands a professor an envelope after the exam. In the envelope the note says:
Here is $500, $100 for every mark.
The next classes the professor hands the student back $300. The student, with a confused look on his face, asked, “Why?” The professor responded that they student had given him $100 dollars for every mark, and since the professor had given the student a two, the $300 was his change.
Posted by Aaron at March 24, 2004 01:58 PM